13. In Gratitude

Gratitude is the music of the heart.

-Unknown

It's Thanksgiving Week and it is hard to move past the week without talking about gratitude.

Will gratitude make you a better musician? Not as much as practice will, but it will do something just as important that will have an impact- it will increase your mindfulness, your awareness of yourself and the world around you. THAT will help your trumpet playing.

• It will give you insight into your own life and emotions- an important part of being an advancing musician. 
• It will keep you in touch with those around you that will make your life fuller and more enriching. 
• It will keep you humble- which is another way of saying you will continue to be teachable- willing and ready to learn.
• It will increase your happiness levels on a daily basis, say a number of research studies.
• It will increase your energy and motivation more often.
• Depression and stress will be more easily coped with on a daily basis.

As preachers have been saying for years on Thanksgiving, don't just save all your gratitude for this one day. It actually will make you a better person if you learn to practice it every day.

• Dr. Amit Sood of Mayo Clinic suggests that you not get out of bed in the morning any day without some awareness of reasons or people to be grateful for. 
• Keep a gratitude journal and review it on a daily basis. 
• Don't repeat yourself- find new reasons to be grateful each day.
• Silently wish each person you pass in a given period of time, grace and peace.
• Meister Eckhart was a man of wisdom:

If the only prayer you say in your life is ‘thank you,’

that would suffice.

– Meister Eckhart

One person who has helped me over the past couple years is Shane Burcaw. He is a young man with Spinal Muscular Atrophy and has been in a wheelchair his whole life. He also has a journalism degree, is the author of a wonderful book, Laughing at My Nightmare, is the founder of a foundation to assist others with Muscular Dystrophy and its variations, and has an incredible sense of humor. His attitude is nothing short of remarkable. No, he does not play trumpet (I don't think so, anyway!) but he is a person filled with energy- and gratitude.

Every week he posts a list called What Made Me Smile This Week. There are many things each week that bring a smile to Shane's face: meeting with college students at his Alma Mater (Moravian College!), eating turkey chili, giving a talk at an elementary school, writing, or just being able to stretch out after a long day.

Each week he makes me smile. He also reminds me of the wonders I miss around me when all I do is complain or find reasons to criticize. He challenges me, someone nearly three times his age, to see the world as fresh and refreshing each day. No matter what!

Maybe I should apply that to my trumpet playing and practice. How did my practicing today make me smile? What were the moments of gratitude and joy? Maybe I wasn't as focused as I needed to be, but what was neat about it? Maybe it was the particular exercise that is just fun to play. Maybe it was the ability to hit some difficult notes with a little more clarity. Maybe it was just the way I felt after making music.

What works for you? Where are you grateful today? Just enjoy it. No matter what!

12. Perception is Reality

Don't be afraid,
just play the music.
― Charlie Parker

As a counselor, one thing I always have to keep in mind is that when someone sees reality a certain way, they believe it. For them it IS reality. It doesn't matter whether it is true or imagined. Reality is often what we perceive it to be. So when they come into my office or group for therapy I have to start where they are- even if I know it to be false or mis-perceived.

As we pick up our horn to practice or to perform, what we consider reality will govern what we do next.

For years I believed I could not play a solo.

I was right. I couldn't play a solo. I would always mess it up. Even though I kept at it in church, for example, if I had a organ or piano and trumpet duet I never, ever got it right. Never. Something would always go wrong. I would miss a count and therefore come in early or late. I would miss a sharp or flat and play a discordant note. Any one of a number of things happened every time. Most people didn't notice it as significant most of the time, but I did.

"See," I would say to myself, "you can't play a solo."
I was proving the truth of Henry Ford's statement:

Whether you think you can,
or you think you can't--
you're right.
― Henry Ford

Fortunately I loved playing trumpet so much I never allowed it to stop me from trying or from continuing to play in bands. I would avoid solos, even in band. My trumpet soloing above even 55 other musicians would send my heart into high gear, the adrenaline would flow, the fight or flight mechanism would kick in- and I would mess it up.

Over and over the refrain- you can't solo, you can't solo, you can't!

My perception of reality was true- even if it wasn't.

Note that this was not a fear of being in front of people. I have been in public for 50 years preaching, radio DJ, cable TV host. I could stand and talk to hundreds of people and not be nervous. Put a trumpet in my hand and make me solo in front of a handful- forget it. I can't do that. So said my perception of reality.

So what happened, esp. since I wouldn't be writing about it if it hadn't changed?

My first step was to work with a teacher. Just to play in his presence was a big step. He gave me some assignments; I worked on them; I improved.

Second, I was invited to join a brass quintet. When there are only five of you, each part is, in essence, a solo. We had a lot of fun practicing and developing a repertoire. When we finally did play in public performance I did okay, but I still messed up somewhere in each performance. Again, not always noticeable and never as badly as I had before, but I was building confidence in myself- and reality was shifting.

Third, I began playing some first parts in our community band. I found that most of the time I could do that! But that wasn't a solo. Again- perceptions were changing internally.

Fourth, one year ago this week the community band had a concert and with a solo on one number. My teacher was also playing first and he told me that I was playing it. I didn't argue. I figured that if he thought I was capable, maybe I was.

We worked on it in my lessons. I could play it very well- at home or in the lesson. But not at any rehearsal. Never.

I can't play solos!

But I refused to back down. (Stubborn ol' cuss!) The director never suggested I give it to someone else. The night before the concert we had our dress rehearsal and ...

Nope, still not right.

Concert night. The piece comes up. ("Valdres March" by Hanssen) It starts with my trumpet solo. I do okay. A little weak, but not particularly strong, either. Maybe I can solo? Maybe?

We get to the end and approach the D.C. back to the top- and the solo. One last chance. As we move along toward the D.C. I have a conversation with myself.

• This music is supposed to be fun.
• You're not having fun.
• Have fun.
• You can do it.
• Screw it. 
• Play the damn thing!!!

Yep- it worked.

I nailed it. My teacher gave me a thumbs up!

The first solo I played well in almost 50 years.

Reality made a seismic shift and I was now a "real" trumpet player again.

After the first of the year I will be doing some posts on the idea of "The Inner Game" about how we sabotage ourselves with a "Self One" and a "Self Two". That's what this is really about. It starts with our perception of reality. What we believe is what guides us. Reality or not, if we see it that way, that's the way it is. Don't confuse me with facts.

Unless you want to learn to do it differently. I didn't realize that's what I was doing when I started this journey about five or six years ago; when I said yes to the quintet or decided to take lessons again.

So,

• Get out of yourself and seek support and new insights.
• Stretch yourself. Take some chances and risks. All you can do is make a mistake. It's not the end of the world.
• Keep practicing.
• Hear the perception of reality that is keeping you from doing what you can do.
• Then do it.

That's what I did over the years in my life. It works with any task I think I can or can't do. The trumpet isn't any different.

And it is supposed to be fun. Enjoy it!

(BTW: Thanks to Warren, Steve, and Mike for sticking with me through these past years!)

11. Keeping the Soul in the Music

Music in the soul
can be heard by the universe.

― Lao Tzu

We went to another "big name" concert last weekend, the second in a month. This time it was country music star and daughter of Johnny Cash, Rosanne Cash. No, there were no trumpets with her but I spent a lot of time being mindful of her performance and what I can learn from it about performing and playing trumpet.Some were additions to what I saw and experienced with Herb Alpert in the previous concert. Others were new. So here goes...

Overarching the whole experience was the awareness that these people play this music day after day. How in the world can they keep the music alive in countless performances? How can they make it feel as fresh for this night as they did 20 or 30 concerts ago? Hence the title of this post reflects the question of keeping the "soul" in the music for every performance.

Rosanne did it beautifully. The power behind her singing was as soulful as anyone. The words to her songs took the music to new depths - and vice versa. So, in a sense, one way to keep the music alive is the way you plan the show.

Cash is doing something unusual on this tour. She is performing her most recent album, The River and the Thread, in full and as recorded on the CD. She gave the background of the album and thoughts about each song, putting it into context and giving us a glimpse of her writing. It took about an hour or so and was the first half of the concert. I would say it was one of the more remarkable concert experiences I have ever witnessed. She never lost her soul. She connected with the audience and brought us into her world.

How do I do that when in performance? How does my brass quintet, for example, allow the audience to participate as more than a passive listener? Even though they are there for the music, what else can we bring to them. Both Cash and Alpert at the earlier concert do that through their interactions with the audience. Alpert took questions and responded to people's interest; Cash took us behind the music to allow the meaning of the songs touch us differently.

In our quintet or big band, I take the time between songs, if it isn't a dance with the big band, to tell the stories of the songs. I put them into context, their history, explain why we play them or perhaps how they showcase a quintet or big band. Some of that is covering for music changes, but it is also to bring the audience, metaphorically on stage with us. But it is also about my keeping my focus on the music's soul. I am reminding myself of the music's inner life, our inner lives as musicians, and why we are doing what we are doing.

On stage interactions are another set of issues for bands in performance. At the Cash concert I overheard two different responses to what was happening on stage. First was one person commenting that they enjoyed watching the musicians during the songs- what they are doing, different tricks and movements, how they are responding to the music. You will see how the drummer exaggerates certain movements to give a different emphasis, the keyboardist fiddling with the controls getting just the right sound, the guitarists closing their eyes and letting the music flow from their fingers.

For the audience that part of the show is just as real as the person doing the lead. If the band is not engaged, is just going through the motions and playing the notes, the overall experience will be diminished.

That was the second response I heard about the Cash show- the band seemed tired, they weren't as alive as Cash herself. I'm not entirely sure I saw that as much as the person I was talking to did. I wondered if some of the group just knew they weren't the stars so they tried to stay in the background? It didn't seem to me to diminish their performance.

But it does raise issues for any of us as performing musicians.

What do you do in your band when another person or section is soloing? Are you engaged or are you sitting or standing there looking bored? Do you give the impression that when it is not centered on you or your part that it isn't worth paying attention to? That can happen so easily since we are concerned about the next part or the water gurgling in the horn. Be aware, though, of how the audience responds to that as well.

We play music for a reason- it is a soul experience. We do it because we are moved by  it. In the end it will come to some performance. We are charged, at that point as performing musicians to communicate to the audience that soul experience. Whether you are the lead trumpet soaring on a solo or the 4th section musician doing little more than "oom pahs" your part is important- as is your interactions with the music. Your soul is part of the whole. Feel it and live it through the horn and your engagement with the rest of the band.

Again, as it seems to always be, the connection to life is hopefully obvious. How do you relate to the world around you? Do you engage or do you go through life with a sense of disinterest if it isn't centered on you? What do you have to offer in even the smallest ways to the soul of the situation?

Find your soul and then let it be lived.

10. Panic and Air

If you panic,

you will die.

-R. Baca

A couple years ago I was doing a hike near Lake Itasca here in Minnesota. There was this circular trail around a lake that branched off the main trail. Or, at least is felt like that. In reality it was just a loop that came back to the same spot and then back out. The problem was that at the spot where the trail started the loop, the two sides of the loop were almost parallel to each other. So, as I returned to the point where the loop started, I found myself facing a "Y" and I didn't know which way to turn. I turned left and realized I was passing things I already passed in the same direction. So I turned around and got back to the "Y" and turned right. Yep- wrong again. I was now heading up the loop from the other side. I wasn't sure of this until I got to a place where I took some pictures of a beaver dam.

By this time I am already later than I expected to be in getting back to the car. My wife would certainly be getting worried. (She was.) We were out in the wilderness and the GPS on my iPhone wasn't showing any map. I knew I wasn't lost. But I knew I could become like Winnie-the-Pooh going in circles around the same tree. The only lesson I could think of at that time was an old hiking reminder:

Don't panic! Your life may depend on it.

I am not sure I was quite at "panic" level on the trail, but I was beginning to get concerned. I thought I knew what I was doing. But it was getting warm, I was getting a little tired. How was I going to deal with this?

I stopped, took a deep breath or two, calmed my mind and set about figuring out that I needed just to be more observant of what I was doing. It worked.

So when Bob Baca said the quote at the top of this post at Trumpet Camp it resonated. It applies to playing the trumpet, as much as it applies to hiking Itasca Park. Don't panic.

We can sure panic when we aren't prepared to play that solo in tomorrow's concert. We can panic when we get lost in the middle of a complicated (or easy) piece in the band's gig. Maybe we're in the midst of the show and our lip decides to quiver and rebel. What are we to do?

First and foremost: Don't panic. It will work against you. We have developed quite a system for survival over the years of our human evolution. the "panic" response is one of them. Panic, or anxiety, can happen when we are facing a "dangerous" or even "life-threatening" situation. Way back in our human development such anxiety or panic got all the systems moving in order for us to survive.

We can call it today the "Fight, Flight, or Freeze" response.

But that quivering lip, the un-prepared solo or jumped line in a song is not life-threatening. Our response is just a left-over. But we can easily metaphorically "die" if we allow the panic to take over. The extra adrenaline pumping with an elevated blood-pressure moving blood away from the thinking brain so we react intuitively makes it more likely that we will not get through the panic. The solo will fail, we won't find our spot in time for our next entrance, the quivering lip just gets work.

But there is another response that we can learn and cultivate. Instead of fight, flight, or freeze, we can learn "Flow." As in "Go with the flow!" I don't know who T. McIrvine is, but I found this quote from him online about playing the trumpet.

Release the air,
don't blow the air.

-T. McIrvine

This is, of course, good advice at all times, which I may talk about some other time. For today, though, this is a great way to think when facing those moments of panic. Stop and breathe. No, not that short, panting breath or that heavy rush of air as if you were blowing out the candles on your 100th birthday cake. Something more relaxed, conscious.

So let's put these things together: Panic and air. Take it easy. Allow the air to fill from the diaphragm. Count to five as you are inhaling through the nose. Hold for a count of two. Count to six as you slowly exhale, letting the air move from your stomach. Do this a couple of times. Don't focus on anything but your breathing.

Can you do this while playing? Probably not to its fullest, but look for several measures of rest. Then do it. Sure you won't revitalize your quivering lip, but you will loosen the tension that only makes the quivering worse. Pay attention to the ease of playing- letting the air release through the mouthpiece and around through the horn. It may be just enough to get you through the rest of the gig.

In your practice on that day before the concert, it will slow you down enough to figure out what you need to do.

Getting rid of the panic response will reconnect you to the music and you will more easily recognize where you might be in the music. After all, you have been practicing and you know the piece, right?

Lots of ways breathing can work for us, not just making a better sound. Perhaps good breathing exercises should be in our regular routine. Long tones, of course, can help with that as can "releasing" air through the lead tube without the tuning slide. But regular daily meditative, mindful breathing may do as much for our tone and music as scales. (BOTH are important, of course.)

As we learn to breathe, life itself can be a lot easier to come with.

Here's a closing quote from a new book I just came across:

Sometimes it's okay if the only thing
you did today was breathe.
-Yumi Sakugawa, There's No Right Way to Meditate